Lost my rhythm
Lost my rhymes
Lost my reasons
Lost my time
Lost my purpose
Lost the point
Lost the passion
Lost my mind
Lost my heart
Lost the part that understands
Lost the things
That held me fast
But broke my heart
Never meant to last
Lost in time
Dreams drift and pass
I’m free at last
4/30/2014 – Jodi Lilly – All Rights Reserved
There is no substitute for time. It is only over time that we gain experience and if we apply what we’ve learned, wisdom. Some of us, who arrived here as part of the Baby Boomer generation (1946-1964), were born before our time. We came en masse, knowing that there weren’t many others who were like us. We grew up in a world in which we mostly felt safe and free to explore and experiment. We were more rebellious than previous generations and weren’t interested in participating in the warmongering that had gone on for generations before we arrived. Our mottos were Peace & Love and Sex, Drugs & Rock and Roll. The early arrivers, born between 1946 and 1957 are of the Pluto in Leo generation that wasn’t buying the control games and compliance to antiquated, life-sucking rules of social conduct that had become the norm. We came for the party! We came to be the change the world was awaiting. (Some of us more so than others.)
In the Mayan Calendar, the years from 1952 to 1972 were known as the 6th Day of the Planetary Underworld. This is the phase of creativity and flowering, when the potentials that were seeded in earlier phases of the cycle, which began in 1777, (in the midst of the American Revolution) bear fruit. Those of us born during the 50s, 60s and early 70s came in droves to manifest the possibilities foreseen by those who came long before. They didn’t call us the generation of Flower Children for nothing. For a million good reasons, many of us have long since given up of our dreams and visions for a better world.
Baby boomers have been around long enough to see society change in strange and oftentimes unfathomable ways, especially lately… Looking around, I know many of us are wondering what happened. Maybe it’s time to remember who we are and the energies we were steeped in, growing up. At a time when the world is quickly forgetting her magic, laying claim to the visions of a better tomorrow that we held, early on, might just help bring us all back to our higher sense of what could be.
I truly believe that my generation came to shake things up, break the societal spell of hopelessness and leave things far better than we found them. The world can only benefit from our stepping up and sharing what we know in our hearts to be true. As the old structures of dysfunction continue to break down, perhaps it is time to remember and embrace, once again, what we knew when we were young: Love and Peace and the Rock & Roll spirit can and do change the world. It’s our time to shine. Who’s with me?
Life just seems to happen, sometimes. One thing intersects with the next, year after year, cycle upon cycle. It’s hard to keep track of it all. Our stories mount up in our memories, still active, still holding the energy of what happened, whether we were able to handle it gracefully or not. The ones that got the better of us continue to hold that same charged energy until we can sit with them and accept what happened. Those stories are the ones that shape our character, or could, if we let them.
I am sitting with a story right now. It’s something that happened between myself and some dear friends, decades ago. There were a lot of different story lines at play at the time. Each of us going through our own transformative life experiences. Each of us working through what was in front of us to do. Each of us wanting to reach dry land, where we knew where all the pieces went and we could breathe a little easier, once again. Somewhere in the middle of our shared story we lost our connection to one another. To this day, I don’t understand exactly what happened. What I do know is that the end of that shared journey opened the door to a whole other way of living and being that I would never have experienced, had those earlier friendships survived.
As challenging as it can be on a personality level to let go of loss, disappointment and unanswered prayers, being able to see how one ending facilitated a new level of depth and understanding helps us trust that there is indeed order in the universe. Life is on our side, even when it doesn’t feel like it at the time. The bigger picture, that only hind site can offer, tells a truer story than we can possibly see when we are in the middle of yet another grand finale.
These days, especially, we are seeing a lot of old stories ending. Journeys we thought would take us somewhere altogether different brought us to where we are now. The energetic climate of Life has changed and as it has, the circumstances that made certain things possible and promising no longer exist. We look around us and see that it is time for an unleveling of our lives. We have a huge opportunity to do things in a new way, to right our lives and start fresh. We just have to be willing to let go of what was.
I saw those old friends at a reunion several months ago. It was fascinating to feel the connections between us still very much alive. Things have changed and Life has taken us all in different directions but the Love that bound us once lives on, albeit in a different form. We are all on to new stories now. Letting go of how it ‘should have been’ allows us to open to what is available in this moment and write the stories we’d love to live now.
I trade in the tango of intangibles
Energy, vibration, intention and Love
Those things that no one can put a price on
The stuff that doesn’t count
For those who keep score
Mine is the invisible realm
That connects people
And offers them hope
Of healing, of joy
And another way of living
Mine is the slippery slope
Of inconvenient feelings
The unfortunate ones no one really wants
The ones that take us deep into who we are
When we are raw
Stripped of the niceties
Of a society uncomfortable
With our expressions sadness, grief
Pain or sorrow
Even our giddiness and glee
I trade in matters of the soul, you see
The part of us that speaks
In the dead of night
That whispers the dreaded truth
That the stuff we bought into
All those bright ideas
That allowed us to fit in
And find our place
Are never going to take us where we want to go
They lead us away from who we are
And the whole point of being here
Mine is the realm of the psyche
The spirit, the unconscious becoming known
The passage we are challenged to navigate
To finally hearing the call
Of the immeasurable Love we are
The Love that reminds us of what matters
The Love that, in the end
Is the only thing that counts
2014 – Jodi Lilly
Today, at the Full Moon with the Sun in Pisces and the Moon in Virgo, we are ripe for considering just what it is we believe (Pisces) and which of those beliefs are serving our conscious intentions and higher purpose for our lives and which are due for uprooting (Virgo) so we can heal (Virgo) both body and mind.
It seems so easy to stay in our comfort zones. After all, we know how it all works there. Although we might not like some of what goes on, it is familiar. What happens is predictable, even if it hurts our feelings or keeps us feeling small. To challenge what to us seems normal can feel impossible. It’s just the way it is. Isn’t it?
Well, it’s the way it is until we decide this is no longer okay with us. As children, we receive a lifetime’s worth of messages about who we are or are not, the ways in which we have been judged and found lacking, or what we believed to be true about ourselves because someone in authority said so when we were small and we’ve never forgotten how terrible it made us feel. These are the seeds of unworthiness, oftentimes unwittingly planted by the adults around us who themselves had never emotionally matured. Once those seeds take root, they sprout up everywhere, reinforcing the message that somehow we are not okay and must fight to overcome our seemingly inherent unworthiness. This is one vicious circle. The more we resist our perceived ‘failings’, the more harsh and critical the messages become. The messages have become part of our belief system. Even though we may not like them, we believe them to be true on deep, subconscious levels of ourselves. And since our beliefs form the structure that creates our reality, as long as we do not challenge them, we will continue to experience the same doubts, fears and insecurities that we always have.
If we are ready to remove ourselves from the merry-go-round of insanity, (which, by definition, is doing the same thing repeatedly, each time expecting a different outcome), we’re going to have to stretch beyond the tried and true. In this case, something being true does not make it correct or optimal. Something can be true for us because we have made it so by our acquiescence to our experience of it. Once we stop to investigate just what it is we are buying into, we begin to see the beliefs that have kept that pattern alive. And we see that on some level of our being, the belief is true for us.
As one of my favorite teachers, Bentinho Massaro says, “You can’t win from a belief.” We can fight but we will never win as long as that belief is still accepted. So, instead of fighting, we sit with the belief. We consciously acknowledge the truth of it, on the level that it has operated. And then we start to see through it to a greater truth of who we are. Not only are we not unworthy, we are infinitely worthy, here, in this life to wake up to the Truth of who we are as heart-centered beings of Love and Light, here to make a holy difference, each in our own way. .
As we extend ourselves beyond the limitations of the programming that once shaped us, our psyches begin to mend, new connections are made within us and fresh possibilities appear before us. Every time we find ourselves upset or out of sorts we have the opportunity to inquire deeper. Ask yourself what you must believe in order for the pattern you are playing out to continue occurring in your life. We cannot heal or change anything that we have not brought to consciousness. This is how we become more aware. This is how our enlightenment occurs. Every shadow of false belief about who we are that we release allows us to see and experience the world in which we live with less distortion, more joy, less strife and more flow. Our Authentic Self has never been wounded or damaged. As we align more fully with the Love that we are, the old habits of playing small and worrying about what others think dissolve and we bring more unbridled creativity to all that we do.
May the Truth of your heart light the way and guide you ever onward to the life you came, with stars in your eyes, to live, full out.
The ability to look beyond the obvious; to hold a reverence for life and its mysteries, even when we don’t understand what it all means; such is the path of the mystic. It’s not always an easy road, but for some, it’s the one that calls the heart.
At some point over the past months, my normally multi-colored world lost its vibrance. At first I thought it was just a temporary funk. Over time, it became clear that I had lost track of something vital to the way I have interacted with the world. And I couldn’t figure out exactly what it was that was missing or why. I lost perspective and had no clue how to get back to ‘normal’. Believe me, I tried.
For nearly twenty years, I have acted as a guide and way shower for others, navigating the often tricky trail of discovery and recovery of inner knowing via the inner being, the True Self. Much of my adult life has been dedicated to liberating myself from the tangled web of misunderstanding of who I am and what I am here to do. After all this time of feeling I knew what this was all about and how to walk my talk, no one was more surprised than I to find myself in such a desolate place. The interesting thing is, this was all an internal process. I was grieving something I couldn’t even name. I guess this is what it feels like to be in a cocoon…
As a Gemini and an astrologer I have often spoken about Gemini natives being the ‘Butterfly of the Zodiac’. The thing they don’t teach you in astrology books or classes is that those butterfly wings take time to develop. None of us start out knowing how to fly. Only after that caterpillar has completely released all it knew itself to be, does the transformation into butterfly begin.
One day, out of the blue, a warm, inviting breeze of inspiration began to blow. Emerging from the cocoon, not a little disoriented, I squint into the sunlight.
It isn’t just Gemini natives who undergo metamorphosis, especially these days. Eventually, we all go through it. This is particularly true in the current energetic climate that is challenging so many in ways they never dreamed they’d be tested. This is an organic process that has its own beginning and end. Astrology can be a helpful tool in understanding what we are going through. The more we can allow ourselves to be where we are in the moment, without struggling or judging, the more swiftly we can flow from there into a state of nonresistance that frees us from entanglements.
For me, inspiration is key. It is my touchstone. It’s how I know whether I am in a state of flow or resistance. Inspiration and resistance cannot coexist. If we are pushing against anything, we block everything that could otherwise show up in our lives in response to our desires. Letting go of the things that don’t really belong to us, releasing the outworn beliefs we’ve forgotten aren’t ours and giving up the ego identities that have kept our spirits boxed up and contained, will go a long way toward creating the breathing room we need in order to live the life our heart can embrace.
It really is darkest before the dawn. Sometimes fear wins for a while. It takes us down into the places within us that need to be seen and known so we can understand more of the truth of who we are. Morning does dawn, eventually, allowing us to see all in a new light, our energy renewed, inspired to create something we may never before have imagined.
When we are inspired, we see potential everywhere we look. The world calls us forth. We become a rainbow of living color that radiates out to touch all around us. Inspiration is not a switch we can consciously turn on or off. It is a function of the spirit. As we become more sensitive to what is happening in our inner world, navigating Life’s peaks and valleys gets easier and more rewarding. The most important thing is to keep coming back to the refuge of the heart. In the dark of night, it is there, pounding out the rhythm keeping us here, on sunny days, it is our truest guide to creating the life of our dreams.
May the mystical magic of your heart guide you ever onward to remembering just what a precious presence you are in this world.
Those of us who aren’t interested in traveling the well-trodden trails of the masses are often seen as a mystery to those who do. Anyone looking to upgrade and reform their life from the inside out knows that the way is seldom clear. In fact, in most cases, one is certain of nothing but the ground on which she is standing in any given moment. Such is the journey of one who knows there is more to life than what meets the eye. Those of us with fiery spirits and rebel hearts bristle at the thought of dying with our inner magic untapped, knowing we are capable of so much more. Our purpose is to rise to that which shines brightest within us and become masters of our lives.
Some of us are here to be living examples, expressing our true potential as humans. In so doing, others see what is possible for them, as well. We may not know the details of how it will happen or the exact destination, but we have heard the call and trust that we are well on our way to living the extraordinary life we came to claim.
In early March, on the day of the Virgo Full Moon, I joined in a global meditation, focusing on the Aquarian Ascension Pool. The guidance was simply to meditate for thirty minutes, at some point, that day, focusing on the Pool, which has been meditated upon and enriched by the energies of many beings and spiritual masters over time.
Now that the Sun is in Gemini, I have been reminded of my experience of this meditation and was inspired to share it. Mercury, currently retrograde in Gemini, sheds fresh light on information and communication previously given and received.
These are notes from my inner journey to the heart of my Gemini self. Maybe you know this place, too.
And so it began…
Placing my attention on my heart beat, I realized the Intention is Love.
It was so peaceful to sit in silence. I tapped into the pool and saw that the water was clear and dark. There were colors glistening from it in deep reds and golds.
I saw what looked like a rising or setting sun on the far side, in the distance. I said, “I will add some sparkle.”
“Yes, you were always good at that,” said a voice, warm and welcoming.
I had a sense of a diamond in my heart and heard, “Shine bright like a diamond!” from the song by Katy Perry.
Then the voice said, “Well, come home. Welcome home.”
I felt at home. I felt my being say, “I’m back.” I recognized my strength and sense of purpose for being.
Then the voice, again. “You’re a gem.”
And I thought, well, I am a Gemini. Then the realization: There is a Gem-In-I!
Back to my pulse, the rhythm began to rock my body. This is me. I know this place. I recognize myself. I felt my Higher Self present. I felt connected and whole and holy.
This is what I have been missing. This connection, this eternal sense of belonging, of intrinsic preciousness embodied.
And Love. Love woven in and around and through.
I saw myself radiating beams of Light out from my heart, in every direction. And I saw the beams of Light radiating through every cell of my body being. Radiant beams of Love. Transmitting the energy of Life for all, Including me. Once and for all.
I closed my meditation in gratitude and appreciation for the profound experience of holiness.
Shine bright like a diamond!
Dive deep into the darkness
Beyond the dark
To the light
Here you find your Self
Unscathed and serene
At peace with what has been
Ready to claim the life
You couldn’t imagine
‘Til you moved through
The sacred darkness
To the place
Where awareness gleams
©2003 Jodi Lilly